And Speaking of Rats . . .

I haven't blogged in the last couple of days, but that doesn't mean all I've been doing is eating free food, drinking free drinks and playing free play in the penny slots to support my freebie (yep, it'll cost ya) Las Vegas lifestyle.

I've also been contemplating the proper course of action to protect my rights, and the rights of my readers. (I'm not delusional, I know no one is reading this.)

That train of thought, unfortunately leads straight to Lawyerville.

Yes, I have been forced to reach out to the legal community, in search of representation.

I usually avoid lawyers like the plague, but alas, it is sometimes necessary to buck up and fight fire with fire. In short, lawyers are a necessary evil.

And, I've learned the hard way that anyone who represents themselves, has a fool for a client.

Yes, I have worked, and in fact do work, for lawyers. But as Julie Roberts said as Erin Brokovich when asked if she was a lawyer "Oh Hell no, I hate lawyers! I just work for them."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TjEklyF7-E

Lawyers are rats, and even though Confucius say people born in the Chinese Year of the Rat like myself are considered charming, attractive to the opposite sex, thrifty, and hard working, I say a rat is a rat.

I'm not the only one. In 200o the New York Times posted an article on the very subject.
http://www.nytimes.com/2000/10/22/weekinreview/the-nation-the-legal-profession-smells-a-rat.html

Here is one of my favorite lawyer/rat jokes --

Why have laboratories started using lawyers instead of rats in experiments? One: There are more of them. Two: The lab assistants don't get attached to them. And three: There are some things a rat just won't do.

And here are some of my favorite lawyer jokes in general -

-- What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school? An offer you can't understand.

-- How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? How many can you afford.

-- A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!" St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108."

-- A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man." The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"

-- An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents in law, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"